RIMM Jobbed

by Johnny Debacle

If you encounter nattily-dressed males shaking, shivering or otherwise acting erratically, do not be alarmed. There has been a disruption to Research in Motion’s (NASDAQ: RIMM) Blackberry service, preventing customers from being able to send and receive email reliably from last night through to today. If this continues, Blackberry users worldwide will be unable to:

  • affect the veneer of importance in public
  • take time off from vacation to stay addicted to work
  • ignore unwanted conversations at work-related social functions
  • pay complete inattention during investment meetings
  • achieve new high scores in Brickbreaker [ed note: 24k, bitches!]
  • ignore their girlfriends in the name of “last-minute requests from the PM”

Global markets could crash as this morning has given market participants a rude wake-up call from the sedated state induced by their Blackberry umbilical tethers to the hard reality of their empty existence and the abyss that is their communal soul.

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