RIMM Jobbed
by Johnny Debacle
If you encounter nattily-dressed males shaking, shivering or otherwise acting erratically, do not be alarmed. There has been a disruption to Research in Motion’s (NASDAQ: RIMM) Blackberry service, preventing customers from being able to send and receive email reliably from last night through to today. If this continues, Blackberry users worldwide will be unable to:
- affect the veneer of importance in public
- take time off from vacation to stay addicted to work
- ignore unwanted conversations at work-related social functions
- pay complete inattention during investment meetings
- achieve new high scores in Brickbreaker [ed note: 24k, bitches!]
- ignore their girlfriends in the name of “last-minute requests from the PM”
Global markets could crash as this morning has given market participants a rude wake-up call from the sedated state induced by their Blackberry umbilical tethers to the hard reality of their empty existence and the abyss that is their communal soul.
Related Reseach:- Please Put Dice Wars on my Blackberry
- Mini-Baller Roulette
- I Look Sweet on a Bicycle For One
- Disruptive Businesses: Taxistutes
- How to be a Mini-Baller
- The Game Over Paradigm for News Reporting
- Shaving: The Future, but Now
You’re bragging over 24k? Come on Johnny, I expected at least a 3-handle from you.
The editor in this case was Mr Juggles, but he is a better brickbreaker than I.
I must say, I admire the restraint being exercised by the esteemed readership of LoS.
Frankly, upon reading this post, I expected an immediate torrent of hi-score posts.
Is it that you are all simply above the childishness inherent in such behavior? Or is that you’re all afraid?
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Off topic…did you guys reject my WSJ short because you have buds working there?
Not to worry, I went to the top with this one: I emailed Sec. Gen. Ban Ki-Moon. That’s where I always go when I want results.