SAAP Notice on Fiscal Year End

by Mr Juggles

Long or Short Capital released this press release this morning:

Long or Short Capital Management intends to stop messing around and realign our fiscal year end with the calendar year end. The confusion the previous misalignment created allowed management to manipulate the firm’s financials and allowed us to report our earnings in such a way as to maximize our compensation. Despite these obvious positive aspects of the previous year end policy, we have also found that maintaining mildy accurate records that correspond to these dates to be slightly hard. This is, as far as we and our consultants can tell, “slighty hard” too hard given our endowments of work ethic and of managerial competence. Thus our new fiscal year end will be December 31st, and we will restate all of our numbers correspondingly in conjunction with the release of our fiscal year 2007 numbers. This does not and will not affect the level of dividends we have granted in the past and no refunds will be given; any such requests for refunds or compensations will be handed off to our counsel, Google Trash and Can. Subscribers will be able to collect their new dividends when we announce them and their onerous conditions. We have checked with our accountants and advisors, and they have informed us that everything we intend to effect is fully compliant with SAAP standards. The management of Long or Short want to thanks our subscriberholders for their continued support in this non-difficult time for the company and also for allowing us to pad our pockets and line the hull of our mega-yachts with carbon fiber. Good day, sir.

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