Today Followed by Tonight on NBC

by Johnny Debacle

NBC has taken a page from the Hills and gone fully post-modern. Their plan for the network over the last several years is now fully formed — Expand the Today show, expand the Tonight show, so eventually there is nothing else, no other reality, nothing to actually talk about on Today or Tonight except Today or Tonight. In stock brokering, we call that focusing on your “core competency”. NBC knows that virtually nothing else it puts on the air is worthwhile so why not cut the wheat from the chaff, and focus on selling as much chaff as possible in one’s most valuable time slots.

When time travel is developed, they will add to their lineup new concept the Tomorrow Show, in which time travelers will enter the future (specifically the next day) to give you celebrity interviews, heart-warming human interest stories, and Jay-Walking Through Time. The Tomorrow Show will be followed by the The Yesterday Show, in which, a time traveling host or robot will go back to the day before and give you celebrity interviews, heart-warming human interest stories and authentic cooking tips from the past (yesterday). It’s likely that the Yesterday will also create an infinity loop or potentially destroy time itself, but don’t worry about that, you probably won’t even perceive either if it happens.

Recommendation: We recommend shorting the Sheinhardt Wig Company.

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  1. Strattie
    December 10th, 2008 | 4:05 pm

    There are always infomercials…

  2. Hans Moleman
    December 10th, 2008 | 4:50 pm

    It seems like they’re effectively synergizing backward overflow.

  3. Pleb
    December 11th, 2008 | 11:08 am

    Recommend shorting Katie Couric’s hair, long Jay Leno’s chin.

    And deposit 5 francs in a Swiss bank account (4.5% compounded annually) in 1640 in order to fund the 2029 purchase of all T-1000 model terminators, and to secure an option on all future production of T-800 models, just in case.

  4. fatbear
    December 11th, 2008 | 5:27 pm

    NBC already 86’d the Tomorrow Show – in 1982 – Tom Snyder was the host – a great show, lamented in passing

  5. December 11th, 2008 | 7:29 pm

    Can Jay Leno go back in time to create a branch of government tasked with enforcing mortgage lending/underwriting/securitization/rating standards?

    Oh, wait…

  6. Tim
    December 13th, 2008 | 6:19 pm

    “NBC knows that virtually nothing else it puts on the air is worthwhile”

    says the guy who often quotes 30 Rock

  7. Novice
    December 15th, 2008 | 11:39 am

    Virtually. I learned how to succeed in a corporate environment from Jack Donaghy.

  8. December 15th, 2008 | 5:44 pm

    Two points.

    1) The comment was made with the “virtually” qualifier. 30 Rock, The Office, Chuck, that’s 2 hours of good TV. FNL, Life, Heroes, marginal I guess. The rest? Epic fail.

    2) The Tomorrow Show did not exist when we first made this post. It may have happened in the past, but that is the result of time traveling that had not previously occurred at the time of our original post. More evidence that NBC is destroying the time continuum as we know it.