Executives and companies love to obfuscate. Since it’s hard to understand the real meaning of their statements, we have provided a handy translation. Here are the words of automakers Ford and GM run through our propietary translation algorithm.
Employee Discount for Everyone
-We give back to you the profits that we weren’t making anyway.
-Step 1 in our five year plan for bankruptcy and continued diminution.
-Step 2 will be new models of even bigger cars which nobody wants to buy.
Ford Family Plan
Selling today for much cheaper, that which would have been sold tomorrow.
We will not do business with suppliers who are in bankruptcy.
-GM’s Purchasing Chief Bo Andersson
Since most Tier 1 and Tier 2 auto suppliers are either in bankruptcy or on the brink thereof, and since we are a big reason for that situation, we plan to compromise our principles shortly.