Executives and companies love to obfuscate. Since it’s hard to understand the real meaning of their statements, we have provided a handy translation. Here are the words of automakers Ford and GM run through our propietary translation algorithm.
Corporate Speak:
Employee Discount for Everyone
Translation:
-We give back to you the profits that we weren’t making anyway.
-Step 1 in our five year plan for bankruptcy and continued diminution.
-Step 2 will be new models of even bigger cars which nobody wants to buy.
Corporate Speak:
Ford Family Plan
Translation:
Selling today for much cheaper, that which would have been sold tomorrow.
Corporate Speak:
We will not do business with suppliers who are in bankruptcy.
-GM’s Purchasing Chief Bo Andersson
Translation:
Since most Tier 1 and Tier 2 auto suppliers are either in bankruptcy or on the brink thereof, and since we are a big reason for that situation, we plan to compromise our principles shortly.
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