Translating Corporate Speak: Auto OEM’s

by Dr Deep Gupta

Executives and companies love to obfuscate. Since it’s hard to understand the real meaning of their statements, we have provided a handy translation. Here are the words of automakers Ford and GM run through our propietary translation algorithm.

Corporate Speak:

Employee Discount for Everyone

Translation:

-We give back to you the profits that we weren’t making anyway.
-Step 1 in our five year plan for bankruptcy and continued diminution.
-Step 2 will be new models of even bigger cars which nobody wants to buy.

Corporate Speak:

Ford Family Plan

Translation:

Selling today for much cheaper, that which would have been sold tomorrow.

Corporate Speak:

We will not do business with suppliers who are in bankruptcy.

-GM’s Purchasing Chief Bo Andersson

Translation:

Since most Tier 1 and Tier 2 auto suppliers are either in bankruptcy or on the brink thereof, and since we are a big reason for that situation, we plan to compromise our principles shortly.

Share This, Please