Meeting rescheduled for 90min later on 10min notice.
IR contact: “Our leader needs to have a nap.”
MrJuggles: “Ummm…”
IR contact: “He usually naps until 3pm but since you have traveled so far he will meet you at 2pm.”
MrJuggles: “Thank you.”
America will blow up the moon, we have the technology, the time is now, science can wait no longer, children are our future, America can, should, must, and WILL blow up the moon…And we’ll be doing it during a full moon so we make sure we get it all.
Quote from Mr. Show in 1996
I don’t mean to be that monkey, but why are we blowing up the moon? Has it come to this? I understand that this is a search for water but at $79 million, aren’t their cheaper local sources? Isn’t this the kind of thing that leads to more global warming? E.g. sourcing water from the moon and then shipping it here burns more fossil fuels than even bottled water, according to my model at least.
Recommendation: Short moon real estate. While it’s likely to benefit from increased scarcity, it’s also likely to be negatively impacted by being exploded.
A number of our investors have contacted us, asking us questions like:
The answer to all these questions is yes, yes and yes.
Or it’s that the stimulus is working but we have to respect our arrangement with the Blog Czar. If you missed the Abstract Investment Idea Investment and Recovery Act of 2009 (you did), you also missed that President Obama appointed a Blog Czar to oversee the compensation levels for authors of arcane and imaginary investment ideas. It’s only fair that compensation is regulated for these blogs given the staggering amounts of taxpayer money they have received from the federal government. Obviously, we at Long or Short have received far more than our share of the pseudo-real investment blog bailout. Again, it’s only fair.
We were also able to negotiate an agreement whereby we submit our commentary for regulation rather than our compensation. You see, if our compensation is regulated, we will no longer have incentive to research new, cutting edge fabrications for publication*. However, if our commentary is regulated, but we are still well-compensated, we will continue to be productive as ever, dreaming up incredible and illusory investment opportunities which we can then publish to the public. Unless, of course, the Blog Czar regulates our speech. Which he normally does, because if he didn’t, what would he really have to do? It’s only fair.
So, in summary, we are alive. We are still as inventive and imaginative and profitable as ever (moreso!). And we are excited to bring you all the commentary that isn’t regulated by the Czar (probably not much, to be honest) and to reap massive profits on that which is censored.
As you can see, it’s all quite fair.
* We will also be unable to contribute to the ruling party at the levels we would like to (if we are overly compensated).
