LoS Update

by Mr Juggles

A number of our investors have contacted us, asking us questions like:

  • are you still alive?
  • where are our dividends?
  • have you stopped posting due to being brutally murdered?

The answer to all these questions is yes, yes and yes.

Or it’s that the stimulus is working but we have to respect our arrangement with the Blog Czar. If you missed the Abstract Investment Idea Investment and Recovery Act of 2009 (you did), you also missed that President Obama appointed a Blog Czar to oversee the compensation levels for authors of arcane and imaginary investment ideas. It’s only fair that compensation is regulated for these blogs given the staggering amounts of taxpayer money they have received from the federal government. Obviously, we at Long or Short have received far more than our share of the pseudo-real investment blog bailout. Again, it’s only fair.

We were also able to negotiate an agreement whereby we submit our commentary for regulation rather than our compensation. You see, if our compensation is regulated, we will no longer have incentive to research new, cutting edge fabrications for publication*. However, if our commentary is regulated, but we are still well-compensated, we will continue to be productive as ever, dreaming up incredible and illusory investment opportunities which we can then publish to the public. Unless, of course, the Blog Czar regulates our speech. Which he normally does, because if he didn’t, what would he really have to do? It’s only fair.

So, in summary, we are alive. We are still as inventive and imaginative and profitable as ever (moreso!). And we are excited to bring you all the commentary that isn’t regulated by the Czar (probably not much, to be honest) and to reap massive profits on that which is censored.

As you can see, it’s all quite fair.

* We will also be unable to contribute to the ruling party at the levels we would like to (if we are overly compensated).

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  1. Bateman
    October 8th, 2009 | 12:48 pm

    As we arrive at Espace I’m on the verge of tears as I’m certain we won’t get a decent table. But we do; relief washes over me in an awesome wave.

  2. Bateman
    October 8th, 2009 | 1:22 pm

    Paul Allen has mistaken me for this dickhead Marcus Halberstram. It seems logical because Marcus also works at P&P and in fact does the same exact thing I do and he also has a penchant for Valentino suits and Oliver Peoples glasses. Marcus and I even go to the same barber, although I have a slightly better haircut.

  3. Bateman
    October 8th, 2009 | 2:15 pm

    When I get to Paul Allen’s place, I use the keys I took from his pocket. There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul’s apartment overlooks the park and is obviously more expensive than mine.

    I calm myself and move into the bedroom,
    where I find his suitcase and start to pack.

  4. Hans Moleman
    October 8th, 2009 | 4:40 pm

    Well that does it. From now on, I’m reading the Chinese satirical finance blogs.

  5. HF
    October 9th, 2009 | 3:07 am

    I recomend changing LoS Corporation to a server in Anguilla…

  6. Matt albers
    October 9th, 2009 | 4:58 am

    It’s starting to look like my analyst opinion a few months ago has become bullish, eh?

  7. October 9th, 2009 | 10:29 am

    Watch it Roubini, or so help the ITG in me, I will find you and I will break your face.