Analagous Analysis of the Stimulus Bill

by Johnny Debacle

The Stimulus Bill is not as easy to understand as its 15,000 page size might lead you to believe. Luckily, we are semi-literate and have semi-read the bill to help you better understand how the Stimulus will actually work.

If you think it’s like the TARP, you are wrong. But it is like A tarp. A mega-tarp, if you will, that blankets the entire United States in a cool shade. Now what happens under this mega-tarp? I’m glad you asked. Under the mega-tarp is every single congressional representative, standing in an official USA Money Tube. A master network of pipes will be pumping the $780 billion of cash into and out of each of these Money Tubes and it will be up to each representative to grab as much money as possible while the money is still being blown.

By grabbing as much money as possible, representatives will then be able to allocate these new found funds. Because this entire process of grabbing blown money and allocating blown money happens under the cover of the mega-tarp, there won’t be any troublesome transparency that could delay stimulation. This is a targeted approach to government spending that will work with surgical precision to put the money where it will have the most impact, specifically in the pockets of friends and future employers of politicians.

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