Cephalopod Valuation under SAAP

by User Submitted

Submitted by user Bean Counter

Long or Short Capital LLC (LoSC) has consistently maintained a long position in the Cephalopod Index (C.I.). Through anonymous tips and other sources (we believe that they are coming from the recently retained legal counsel of Pleb due to his jealousy in not getting into the C.I. early enough), Bean Counter Associates (BCA) decided to review the valuation of LoSC’s investment in C.I. according to SAAP, which calls for the value to be recorded at Lower of Cost, Market or Whatever We Say (LCMWWS).

During our analysis, we were tempted to recommend a write-down in the valuation of the holdings, just to shake things up a bit and to reflect the now-public knowledge of the squid invasion, which will drive up squid casualties to beer batter and lemon wedges. However, we then discovered that the valuation may be even higher than originally booked, due to a potential jellyfish alliance.

It appears that not only are the squids attacking, but they’ve been able to solicit the help of their fellow aquatic invertebrates in the assault against mankind. This can only bode well for the squid invasion plans as they form a modern-day Axis of Tentacles. Squids will be able to focus their efforts on the Americas, leaving the jellyfish to complete the Asian conquest with only Godzilla standing in their way.

BCA recommends that LoSC book a gain of (perf)*(initial investment) in its C.I. holdings and for all fellow long holders to do the same. This is entirely permissible under SAAP, especially the part where the accountant gets to make extremely subjective valuation calls about things it barely grasps.

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