Could Not Be Shorter on Coca-Cola Blak

by Mr Juggles

My position is so short, it may actually go negative short, which would be a long and would be terrible for all. Just like this horrendous disgusting concoction from Hades. Coke with double the caffeine, half the carbs and infinitely more “rich coffee essence.”

Just as a service to the Coca-Cola Company (KO) here are some other combinations which, if you care about your shareholders even a little, we recommend you should never combine.

  • Mayonnaise, beer and walnuts.
  • Corriander and Bette Middler.
  • Chocolate and plutonium.
  • Bubble gum, strawberry and post-modern feudalism.
  • The phrase “lack of internal controls” and my money.

Recommendation: Short Coca-Cola for producing the first product that could be accurately described as “swill.” Long red wine & coke and a double huzzah for green tea & whiskey.

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  1. Irving Washington
    April 24th, 2015 | 5:26 pm

    With nearly a decade of hindsight it’s clear this short analysis failed to incorporate a number of key corporate attributes qualifying it for inclusion in Satan’s portfolio (unless perhaps it was a negative short?) Clearly, the ability, nay the genius, to create and market swill as a premium product, swill so corrosive, so vile its best use is as a cleaning product, the vision to then not only market this to the public, but directly target children (and better yet third world children) as a key growth market, is down right satanic. With that in mind, maybe revisit the combination of strawberry gum and post-modern feudalism?

  2. Irving Washington
    April 24th, 2015 | 5:27 pm

    And while you’re at it, ask yourself, “Is the key ingredient in Coke’s secret formula perhaps cephalopod ink?”