Fidelity Isn’t Faithful to Arithmetic

by Mr Juggles

Fidelity, the privately held investment management firm, wants to manage billions and trillions of dollars. In other words, it wants 7 or 8 figure of AUM according to Fidelity math. Here is an actual ad the firm was running in Yahoo Finance’s retirement section, pointed out by a reader.

If their advice on how to retire a millionaire is to become a thousandaire…well that is the exact way in which they have managed much of their clients’ retirement portfolios over the past 3 years, so we give them points for consistency.

Recommendation: Take Fidelity public for the sole purpose of shorting it.


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  1. November 4th, 2008 | 11:02 pm

    I think a few hedgies tried to copy Fidelity’s proprietary arithmatic models…


  2. Size
    November 4th, 2008 | 11:13 pm

    Don’t worry. The One will fix all this. The Obamessiah will spread the wealth around so that you never have to worry about having any.

  3. November 5th, 2008 | 10:40 am

    Good points all around. Clearly the people at Fidelity are far below that of true Important Bankers like those from Bear and Lehman.
    By the way do GS and MS still count as an Important Banks or is it pretty much down to Jefferies, FBR and Lazard? Now that the former have gone to retail charters at what point can I open a GS checking account and start getting min balance warnings from them too? I do think getting these warning from GS would be much more mini-baller than say Sovereign.

  4. November 5th, 2008 | 4:29 pm

    @ SCH

    Ironically enough, Houlihan Lokey just might come out of this the best of anyone (with the restructuring practise, etc)

  5. american bandersnatch
    November 5th, 2008 | 6:47 pm

    Houlihan Lokey must merge with Houlihan Smith to avoid confusion.

  6. Pleb
    November 5th, 2008 | 8:00 pm

    Hey, isn’t AUM that Japanese death cult that released poison gas on a Tokyo subway? Or am I thinking about some other Japanese death cult, like the car manufacturers that are talking about acquiring GM and its unfunded pensions?

  7. bftd
    November 13th, 2008 | 2:12 am

    yeah, that is aum shinrikyo. basically the same thing.