Five Simple Steps to Becoming a Billionaire: The Greenspan Method

by Johnny Debacle
  1. Become Fed Chairman
  2. Lower interest rates until you create an asset bubble. Hold them low until stagflation is in the air and a real estate bubble is floating
  3. Stop being Fed Chairman and release a book on how you didn’t do anything wrong and have no regrets. If possible, time it perfectly with the worst real estate market in generations
  4. Join the hedge fund which has profited more in % and dollar terms than anyone else has from your mess (which you didn’t create)
  5. Build a platinum statue of your muse, Ayn Rand, and sleep with it every night

It also helps if you are mostly unethical.

Addendum: Look at this quote from Greenspan from the WSJ’s Real Time Economics:

“Q: All three of your clients — Pimco, Deutsche Bank and now Paulson — were bearish early on housing and mortgages. Is there a connection?
A: I hadn’t [noticed] until you just raised the issue.”

Greenspanspeak is code for self-serving disingenuousness.

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  1. January 15th, 2008 | 8:47 pm

    What legal process exists to censure, penalize, or otherwise punish the current or retired chairman of the Fed?

  2. Jim
    January 15th, 2008 | 9:47 pm

    Steps 2-5 seem easy, but I will need some pointers on getting in a place for step 1. Does it help that I love inflation?

  3. ronald r
    January 15th, 2008 | 9:56 pm

    greenspan is a crook. he was likely advising paulson this whole time but only “accepted” the job now that it would not look like he was profiting from this. what a piece of shit!!!

  4. Francisco
    January 15th, 2008 | 11:30 pm

    Who is John Galt?

  5. Robert M.
    January 15th, 2008 | 11:48 pm

    Who is Any Rand?

  6. truth
    January 16th, 2008 | 2:28 am

    The fed is a scam and fiat money is unconstitutional. Think people!

  7. Top Chef
    January 16th, 2008 | 7:27 am

    Getting the CEO job at Countrywide looks like a good payoff. Three names I believe, we would all like not to hear in the future…..Paulsen, Bernanke and Bush. Good luck all of you with money stuck in the stock market. TC

  8. Neil
    January 16th, 2008 | 10:18 am

    Alan just pulled the same con-job as James Taggert. Buy tons of stock in a copper mine and then join the gang that nationalizes it, right before it officially happens sell your stocks.

  9. who-what
    January 16th, 2008 | 11:15 am

    greenspan is a genius. you guys just dont get it. inflation is way below anything we saw in the 70s.

  10. mrsiv
    January 16th, 2008 | 12:10 pm

    Hah. Another schmuck perpetuating the lie.
    don’t fall for those CPI figures so expertly massaged down to hide the rampant inflation.

    A quick change of numeraire to the canned-tomato index proves beyond doubt that Greenspan is a student of Mugabe.

    All hail the king of Zimbabwenomics!

    Now, about my above inflation pay-rise..

  11. Toro
    January 16th, 2008 | 12:17 pm

    That’s awesome.

  12. Toro
    January 16th, 2008 | 12:18 pm

    You’d think Easy Al would sign up with one of these sovereign wealth funds.

  13. Jim
    January 16th, 2008 | 4:49 pm

    Why get a bronze doll when he probably already had an Ayn Rand made by these guys

  14. passing thru
    January 17th, 2008 | 9:01 am

    Inflation is way lower now than in the 70’s thanks to Paul Volcker, not Easy Al.

  15. Ron Paul
    January 17th, 2008 | 11:07 am

    I told you so

  16. John Galt
    January 17th, 2008 | 5:03 pm


  17. Erich
    January 19th, 2008 | 3:51 pm

    Photoshop idea:

    Age of Turbulence cover with “If I Did It” Title

  18. January 25th, 2008 | 5:35 pm


    Email me, I lost your address.

  19. April 25th, 2008 | 1:21 pm

    Where is Paul Volker in all this? If only he had spoken up more.