Private Equity Tactics Being Used on Textron

by Johnny Debacle

Private equity firms KKR and TPG were able to acquire TXU (NYSE: TXU) at a discount by hiring goons masquerading as activists to stage die-ins and other protests outside mutual funds and public holders of TXU stock. Could the protests, die-ins and facsimile blood hand-prints on the wall by Brown students outside the offices of Textron (NYSE: TXT) in downtown Providence indicate that the firm is about to be snatched up by private equity firms? LoS thinks so.

It’s clear just from looking at the pictures that those are not Brown students, as they lack their trademark long hair and hippy attire. Knowing that they aren’t Brown students, the only other logical conclusion is that they are agents hired by private equity firms. How long until Carlyle and Cerberus take Textron private? Weeks? Days? Light dollars (the measurement of how long it takes light to travel a dollar)?

Recommendation: Textron makes weapon systems and military vehicles, so it’s already a pretty good investment per Satan’s Portfolio. Taken together with the near certainty that PE firms snatch TXT up amidst the public backlash is another clear buy signal. “Buy” times “buy” equals “buy squared”.

Addendum: Some choice bits from the Brown Daily Herald’s article.

During the protest – which about 20 students from Brown attended, in addition to 10 others – students pantomimed Textron executives throwing cluster bombs at civilians while other protesters pretended to die in the circle at the intersection of Westminster and Exchange streets….

The protesters, using jam as fake blood, imitated injured or dead civilians and held signs with slogans condemning Textron’s military contracts, including, “Dear Textron, our democracy is not for sale” and “Are you in the business of killing?”

Two comments. If you have ever killed a man and tasted his blood, you know that it is nowhere near as delicious as raspberry jam. Also cluster bombs are dropped out of planes, not thrown by soldiers. If you really wanted to kill and horribly maime a crowd of civilians from the ground, you would want to use a flamethrower. Silly Brown.

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