Relationship Exchange Rates

by Johnny Debacle

In love markets, as in all markets, everything has a price. Listed below is a composite, based on actual trading data from a large market of relationships, of the exchange rates for various relationship activities.

1 day apple picking : 0.75 nights of Poker with the boys
1 week trip with mini-baller friends : 1 asking my gf to move in with me
1 night hanging out with “her” friends : 350 days not hanging out with her friends
1 Brazilian Bikini Wax (for her) : 0.86 trips to Ikea : 0.15 Bikini Wax (for me)
1 unit of taking out the trash : 1.64 nights of her making dinner
1 visit to her family for Christmas : 78 relationship points : 3.4 years of not visiting her family for Christmas
1 affair with her two best friends at the same time : 2 testes (fixed rate)
1 day of watching football : 2.5 hours of Sex & the City : 1 hour of Maid in Manhattan
1 dinner bought by me : 0 anything (based on the rational expectations theory of relationships, you are not compensated for things that are expected)
1 thrown out favorite t-shirt : 1.4 weeks of nude sleep
1 fantasy draft at her apt: 6 months of paying for a cleaning woman to service her apt
1 shopping for bathing suits with her : 17 years of therapy for me

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