Satan’s Portfolio: RICK PTR TXT

by Johnny Debacle

Here is an explanation of Johnny’s Satan’s Portfolio Investing Thesis.

Rick’s Cabaret (NASDAQ: RICK)

Rick’s Caberet is a $50mm market cap company which operates strip joints gentlemen’s clubs aimed at Wall Street and at executives at large. The firm’s online division owns/operates “adult entertainment Internet Web sites, including xxxPassword.com that features adult content; CouplesTouch.com, a personals site for those in the swinging lifestyle; and NaughtyBids.com, an online adult auction site that contains consumer-initiated auctions for items, such as adult videos, apparel, photo sets, adult paraphernalia, and other erotica”.

Pulled directly from the last RICK conference call: “I would like to invite everyone out tonight to our New York City club for our Due Diligence Ball at 50 West 33rd in New York.” A publicly traded strip club and porn supplier which offers investors a “Due Diligence Ball”? Satan says “Giggity giggity…alright.”

PetroChina (NYSE: PTR)

Does your company ruthlessly seek out oil assets in the ickiest places in the world? Check. Did Harvard’s Corporation Committee on Shareholder Responsibility recommend that the Harvard Management Company divest itself of PTR? Check. Does your company look the other way when it comes to genocide in Darfur? Check. Does your company have the explicit backing and support of the world’s 2nd most ruthless government? Check. Welcome to Satan’s portfolio.

Textron (NYSE: TXT)

Textron is an $11 billion market cap firm who “primarily manufactures general aviation aircraft worldwide” but the Bell segment supplies and makes “helicopters [and] weapons, airborne and ground-based surveillance systems, aircraft landing systems, hovercraft, search and rescue vessels, armored vehicles and turrets, reciprocating piston aircraft engines, aircraft and missile control actuators.” And for the kids, Clusterbombs!

Sometimes we don’t have to make the call, the public will do it for us. In this case, Brown students staging die-ins outside Textron’s offices let us know exactly what Textron is all about. One of the protesters signs leadingly asked “Are you in the business of killing?” The answer is yes, and the lucrative blood of innocents is what makes Satan’s Portfolio’s returns so juicy.

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