September 2008 LHC End of the Universe Puts

by Johnny Debacle

While your portfolio (and less importantly, existence itself) has survived the first test as the Large Hardron Collider was flipped from “Suck” to “Blow” this morning, who is to say that a small mini-blackhole here or there is NOT sucking the earth into its dense core as we speak? Not us. We continue to reiterate the importance of LHC End of the Universe Puts.

“The LHC is a discovery machine,” said CERN Director General Robert Aymar

If this is true and you extrapolate it out, it is only a matter of time until they discover the end of the Earth and existence as we know it. Who is to say they won’t do that tomorrow? Again, not us.

Recommendation: These securities do NOT benefit from the implicit guarantee of the US government, God or your locally relevant deity. Wink wink nudge nudge, but between you and me, they DO.

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  1. Platinumfinger
    September 10th, 2008 | 3:46 pm

    How do I claim the payoff in my next life and how can I hedge the non-existence of a next life. And if so, what’s my benefit of buying these securities now?

  2. MGW
    September 10th, 2008 | 3:56 pm

    I think that wriiting these Puts is an effective hedge against the possibility of a next life. If there is a next life, great, but you have to pay out on the Puts. If there isn’t, then you may not exist anymore, but at least you didn’t have to pay anything on these contracts. Win / Win.

  3. Platinumfinger
    September 11th, 2008 | 11:28 am

    No way – new life = Portfolio back to zero. I’m not going to die and get haunted by my CDOs (debt I have to pay)!

  4. HF
    September 11th, 2008 | 1:45 pm

    Are the LHC End of the World puts convertible on regular end of the end puts? what is the ratio, I need that input to my OVM… that way I can use my old end of the world option pricing model and won’t have to ask my quants for a new one…

  5. shortcfaexam
    September 13th, 2008 | 3:50 am

    I asked my resident quant today what the VaR was on a “sizeable” position in LHC puts.

    He sent me an email about three hours later with a link to this: