Short The Hilltop Children’s Center

by Mr Juggles

I'm from space, dude, from SPACEOr at least short the kids graduating from this school. Their teachers have banned Legos on the grounds that they promote capitalistic behavior. These kids are going to have no clue when they graduate when they have to enter the real world which happens to be mostly capitalistic. And every child economy needs lego exchange, well defined lego property rights and functioning lego markets if it ever hopes to experience sustainable growth.

From the article Why We Banned Legos:

[The children playing with Legos] turned their attention to complex negotiations among themselves about what sorts of structures to build, whether these ought to be primarily privately owned or collectively used, and how “cool pieces” would be distributed and protected. These negotiations gave rise to heated conflict and to insightful conversation. Into their coffee shops and houses, the children were building their assumptions about ownership and the social power it conveys — assumptions that mirrored those of a class-based, capitalist society — a society that we teachers believe to be unjust and oppressive.

Recommendation: Short the Hilltop Children’s Center ETF, in size. For maximum exposure to this trade, travel to Seattle and barter directly with the children. Initial research suggests that 1 snack pack can be turned into 4 Ho-Ho’s and 3 apples can be arbitraged for a bag of Doritos AND 6 gummi worms. Ridiculous.

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  1. Bitchtern
    May 2nd, 2007 | 8:36 pm

    I can’t believe these people are teaching children, and not young adults in college. That type of educational talent shouldn’t be wasted on those germing breeding bastards!

  2. Arbitrageur
    May 2nd, 2007 | 9:03 pm

    This article makes my very blood boil – no small feat for a cold blooded shark such as myself. Who the fuck are these pinko cuntwads to decide that the society currently propagated by every major global power is “opressive and unjust.”
    Did you not buy the weed you toked before coming “to teach”? After all any sort of transaction is apparently inherently immoral, especially if it encourages “insightful conversation”, debate and functioning social development.

  3. Corporate Barbarian
    May 2nd, 2007 | 9:20 pm

    There is something just sick and wrong with this, made all the more hypocritical by the fact the “junior league” pinko who orchestrated this demented exercise ignores the fact that most of the non-capitalist world would long ago shipped her off to a labor camp to turn big rocks into little ones.

  4. mini balerette.
    May 2nd, 2007 | 9:35 pm

    you guys are completely missing the real issue at hand…

    3 apples for a pack of doritos AND 6 gummi worms? These kids are getting better returns than we ever could have wished for. I’ve got contracts out on them as we speak.

  5. May 2nd, 2007 | 9:47 pm

    Two things:

    1) Teachers can believe the system is unjust all they want. But just because they hide from it doesn’t give them any right whatsoever to try to shelter kids from it. Of course life isn’t fair, that’s why your life sucks, you commie bastards.

    2) From the description of the level of trading and contract writing going on between a bunch of 8-year olds, it sounds like finance firms might want to revisit their recruiting programs.

  6. Sam
    May 2nd, 2007 | 10:15 pm

    If anyone takes the time to read the entire article, one’s initial horrific reaction will subside slightly….though crazy sheeeeet!

  7. Corporate Barbarian
    May 2nd, 2007 | 11:25 pm

    Hey…My toddler (21 months old) is a kick-butt negotiator – focused, aggressive, stubborn, and knows when to throw a temper tanturm. She’d make a damm good “bad cop”….then again, she’s my kid.


    Proud Parent & author of the most hated corporate partnership terms sheet in three industries…

  8. MGW
    May 3rd, 2007 | 11:30 am

    Wow, I actually read the whole article and I cannot believe that these teachers did this. These teachers are just bitter because the profession they chose to enter doesn’t have a lot of “cool pieces” and they certainly don’t have their own airplanes, let alone a runway in their backyard (read the article and you’ll understand).

    On the other hand, I think a good LOS reader should encourage this kind of education. After all, with enough teachers like these, we won’t have to defend our jobs against the next generation. Instead, they will all be poor commies and that means the biggest piece of the pie can go to all of us!

  9. Aspiring Mini-Baller
    May 3rd, 2007 | 11:35 am

    They should just rename the school “Derek Zoolander Center for Communists Who Can’t Read Good and Would Like To Do Other Things Good too”

  10. eugenics
    May 3rd, 2007 | 12:13 pm

    The socialists should keep it up. They’re just making a labor class for the private school kids, well the non-hippie private school kids. Why is your kid trimming my kids hedges? becasue I taught mine how to compete and you taught yours helplessness.

  11. To The Hilt
    May 3rd, 2007 | 12:23 pm

    After thinking about it, this article doesn’t upset me as much as it did at first.

    These children are learning a valuable lesson about the evil of a big, socialist government.

    The children whose power has been taken away will grow to resent it, and the characteristics that allowed them to gain positions of power in the first place will only be strengthened. Those that fail to see this will continue to rely on their techers (government) to provide for them. While these students may grow up to be a drag on society, those that possess the traits necessary to succeed will overcome the oppression of their socialist teachers.

    It’s really all part of capitalist natural selection. The way of the world. Have Drew send me his resume.

  12. Series7.5
    May 3rd, 2007 | 2:59 pm

    *shockingly* the teachers did not recognize the contradictions in their own begging the question that “unfair” power structures should not exist between economic agents, even while suggesting the children should realize that those on the bottom blame the “unfair” rules of them game at which they are failing

  13. Strategeri
    May 3rd, 2007 | 3:12 pm

    I actually almost enrolled my son in this school a few years ago. It is one of the most well regarded schools in Seattle (at least by all the liberals). One visit was enough to find out that the teachers are all commie’s that basically spend their time figuring out how to fuck with your kids head. I pulled the plug on that application immediately and never looked back. Those teachers are very representative of a certain group of dipshits in Seattle…

  14. mini ballerette.
    May 3rd, 2007 | 6:01 pm

    @ aspiring mb…

    Pls, don’t use zoolander’s name in vain.

  15. robc
    May 4th, 2007 | 5:11 pm

    A good negotiator questions every assumption. I suspect these kids will run intellectual loops around all of us when they are older.

    It must blow their little minds to see adults arguing over them trading legos. Think of these teachers as being modern Jesuits.