Sweet Tea, Too Sweet, Time to Short

by Johnny Debacle

Sweet Tea was cute, in the way that Krispy Kreme donuts were cute, a sugary Southern treat to Northern palettes. It’s great to have once, after that, eh, not so much. The existence of “Unsweet Tea” is a leading indicator that “Sweet Tea” is in fact, TOO sweet.

Recommendation: An initial estimate is that Sweet Tea consumes 83% of all domestically produced sugar. Due to having recently had some sweet tea, we are borderline comatose and thus can not corrobate this estimate with further empirical data, but we will assume it to be true and thus recommend shorting all domestic sugar producers. Ethanol be damned.

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