That Time I Hired The Restructuring Consultant to Restructure Me

by Johnny Debacle

For the reasonable price of $2000 per hour you took can be restructuredDo you ever have one of those days? When you feel like you might just default at any second? It could be spurred on by a liquidity crisis, like Ford took away your factoring, or has contractual price downs that are killing your margins and is ordering less volume to boot, and your revolver is maxed out, and good luck raising any more money in this market. Suffice to say, you’re regretting your decision to be a consolidator in the auto supplier space. Or it could be a liquidity crisis where you had one too many jaeger bombs and the smell of your toilet indicates you may have also had too much tequila, but you have no memory of having ANY tequila. Either way, you could default at any second and you don’t like where things are headed.

That is when you need to restructure and find yourself a personal CRO. What can he strip out? What can he improve? Well, well, you’re in store for it. You spend your weeknights doing what? Why don’t you use lean manufacturing while performing your job? You should consolidate your suppliers. And lose that contract with that girl, you know the one, she negotiated terms at the top of the market and you find yourself spending significant capex to maintain your supply of her goods, goods which are worse and worse and of which she is putting out less and less.

I found myself at this point, on the veritable verge, and I needed outside help. Luckily, Long or Short Capital has a very generous and unique health package that allows its employees to be extremely healthy and notably more efficient. You think the firm with the SAAP based financial results doesn’t have generous fringe benefits? Come on!

I have just brought my CRO in (pictured above) so he is busy getting getting dug in and up to speed on me. I will update as he begins producing actionable recommendations.

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  1. KS
    July 10th, 2008 | 1:05 pm

    Tony! How could you abandon us? At least we’ve still got T3, Nick, and Victor to keep our APC (Alvarezes Per Capita) ratio at industry-leading levels.

  2. Strattie
    July 10th, 2008 | 1:07 pm

    Try that, the article at the bottom by Krutov. In Russian, krutoy means an equivalents of wise a$s, cool guy, and a bit sleazy foxiness. How appropriate is that he’s writing about CRO’s?

  3. FX_rules
    July 10th, 2008 | 4:14 pm

    Way too many typos

  4. July 11th, 2008 | 12:23 am

    I could probably use a supply chain six-sigma guru esp vis a vis the ‘lean’ manufacturing thing…nah, eff it (chugs beer)

  5. KS
    July 11th, 2008 | 1:22 pm

    Wrong kind of CRO, Strattie.