The Market Celebrated St. Patrick’s Day By Getting Black-Out Drunk

by Mr Juggles

The market today was, in technical terms, acting like a drunk. The most common explanation — found on the front page of the WSJ, top headlines on Bloomberg, etc. — concerns the complete destruction of a storied investment banking franchise and the Fed’s move to both lower rates and offer to loan money to anyone who hasn’t blown up yet.

There’s an alternate explanation though and applying Occam’s Razor (but not implying that anyone actually bothered to use it to shave) we believe this alternative explanation to be the more likely driver of today’s madness. Both the Fed and the Market got up early today, hung-over after a rowdy weekend of carousing wherein they had a few too many Guinness and a few too little corned beef and cabbage. The Fed told the Market that what she needed was an eye-opener. Then, not feeling much better, the Market was convinced that what it really needed was TWO eye-openers. 47 pints of guinesses, several 100+ intraday swings of the DOW, a bloodbath in commodities, and a literally immorable blackout later, the Market passed out on her couch with only the after taste of roofies and the burning sensation across her cheeks and lips of having made out with someone with a scruffy, likely peppered, beard.

Related Reseach:

Ad Sense Ad Sense


  1. jonathan
    March 17th, 2008 | 4:47 pm

    (3:59:14 PM) dude1: the financial service industry right now is like a night out with a bunch of guys
    (3:59:22 PM) dude1: and there is only one girl there
    (3:59:25 PM) dude2: this ought to be good
    (3:59:26 PM) dude1: she is not hot
    (3:59:28 PM) dude1: and kinda fat
    (3:59:31 PM) dude1: lots of baggage too
    (3:59:38 PM) dude1: then someone has to jump on the grenade
    (3:59:41 PM) dude1: its not sweet
    (3:59:43 PM) dude2: hahahhaa
    (3:59:44 PM) dude1: but at least he got laid
    (3:59:46 PM) dude1: that he
    (3:59:48 PM) dude1: is jpm
    (4:00:00 PM) dude2: jpm popped 10%, id say he banged a hottie
    (4:00:07 PM) dude1: and everyone else just went home and masturbated
    (4:00:11 PM) dude1: no
    (4:00:14 PM) dude1: a fatty with a trust fund
    (4:00:20 PM) dude1: you arent happy about it at first
    (4:00:23 PM) dude1: but it works out in the end