Unions are the Best: Part 0.000002

by Kaiser Edamame

I’m back and fired up about organized labor again.  In their most recent display of genius employees at Chrysler have been attempting to secure financing in order to fund an employee sponsored bid for the automaker which is in being sold by the parent, Daimler-Chrysler (NYSE: DCX).  They claim that the interest of the employees would best be served if they themselves were the owners of the business.  I think this is the best idea I have ever heard.  I would love nothing more than the employees to buy Chrysler (Ed Note: too late, as the denizens of the 7th circle of Hell, Cerberus just acquired the Chrysler for $7.4bn), realize they are completely uncompetitive because of their own retirement benefits and wage structure and then proceed to lose billions of dollars while they sit around, point fingers and refuse to give up their ludicrous pension and healthcare benefits.

I think we should mobilize the capitalists and entrepreneurs of the world to help these employees along.  They deserve to be financially responsible for the disaster they created, they earned it, literally.  I am announcing a campaign to raise money to help these people buy their P.o.S. company.  I pledge $1,000.  Who’s with me?  Just think to yourself – how much would I pay to be part of a comedy of errors that bankrupts the UAW and embarrasses unions forever?  Then make a pledge.  Remember the money you’re pledging won’t get you a piece of Chrysler equity – it’s a pure donation.  I have however arranged for pledging members to get the rights to the reality TV mini-series “My Little Squirrely Union Boss” which will air immediately after “The Real World Detroit”.  These rights are likely to be worth division by zero percent more than the Chrysler equity anyway.

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