Long or Short Capital

We loved Strategic Craps. World domination is fun and an important skill to develop for finance. But there is something lacking when you know the opponent you are mercilessly crushing is not alive. A fellow Strategic Craps fan created a solution by making Multiplayer Strategic Craps (which he erroneously branded “KDice”). We recommend spending your entire Friday sharpening the skills for which you are being highly compensated: grasp of probabilities, valuation analysis, strategic and tactical wizardy and most importantly, willingness to roll the dice.

From the comments of our Things this Mini-baller is Thankful For report, came these strong late additions from “brown man in the struggle”:

the confidence boost from my 5th vodka soda

unforeseen upside

wearing t-shirts that say ‘brasil’ = being brazilian = desirability arbitrage

bonus season and the value of my bonus in 3rd world currency

Thanks, you people.

The road to truth is long and paved the entire way with annoying bastards.

-Alexander Jablokov

Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing

Domino’s has gotten attention for their release of their “Brooklyn Pizza,” roiling the the Late Night Drunk/Stoned snacks and meals market. The pie was made by reverse engineering a genuine Brookyln pizza, taking the knowledge gained from that process, and completely ignoring it. The chief Domino’s Korean geneticist then spliced the DNA from Domino’s thin crust with the DNA of their regular crust pizza to form a new hybrid pizza which possesses both “thin crust” and “regular” attributes. The resulting mutant attribute is mainly “mediocre.”

This type of immoral endeavor has been a hallmark of the company since it first adopted the Noid, a Nietzsche-visioned version of Satan as their mascot.

Ignoring the questions of morality (as we often do), there is also a question of whether this was just a ploy to distract the American consumer from remembering that the company tried to sell him pooplets.

Under Section 7 of the Intelligence Services Act, the secretary of state can authorize persons to commit acts abroad for which they may not be held liable under British law. By implication, that includes all criminal law relating to the use of lethal force…an authorization, though renewable, may last for only six months.
–Does James Bond have a License to Kill?

Governments worldwide have recently made many new types of licenses tradeable, the most visible example being exchangeable carbon credits. We believe that, were the British Licences to Kill to become tradeable, their value would immediately soar. Demand from the US (ex-wives, rival ganglords, etc.), Asia (business competitors) and Russia (everyone) would materialize quickly.

Recommendation: Invest now to capture the liquidity discount.

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong — but that’s the way to bet.

-Damon Runyon

Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing

I am pleased to introduce a new series in which I simplify complex analysis into 2×2 matrices. Why am I doing this? I was trained at a management consultancy and 2×2 matrices are now in my DNA as well as being a stipulation in the contract I signed with the devil to get the job.

It turns out that any media business can be described by two variables: the amount of product, information, or entertainment being produced [referred to hereafter as Strategy] and the resulting value creation. The key question for each company is to look at each of these two critical valuables and ask: Less or More?

Google: More is More
Strategy: MORE. Google (NASDAQ: GOOG) is producing more of everything. After originally launching in search only, Google now provides email, maps, IM, photo management, and online videos of trivialities (via the YouTube acquisition).
Value: MORE. Google now has a gazillion dollar market cap.

Yahoo: More is Less
Strategy: MORE. Yahoo (NASDAQ: YHOO) has the #1 portal, #1 email service, #1 prescence in the key Asia market, and leading positions in pretty much every other vertical. They are also — like Google — investing tons of money in servers to make their services speedier and have recently acquired many interesting companies.
Value: LESS. Despite the great assets involved, Yahoo is run by a man who has a hard time speaking the English language, whose daughter has starred in a reality show about spoiled kids, and who doesn’t know how to use email. As a result, MORE becomes LESS.

Clear Channel: Less is More
Strategy: LESS. In late 2004, Clear Channel (NYSE: CCU) embarked on a bold plan (incredibly) titled Less is More. The stated goal of this plan was to reduce the amount of “clutter” (i.e., ad units) per hour on its radio stations in order to boost listening. The super secret goal was to push advertisers from 60 second commercials to the more expensive 30 and 15 second ad formats. This program appears to have been at least modestly successful due to a significant year over year decline in sucktitude at Clear Channel radio stations.
Value: MORE. Clear Channel’s stock has recently rallied and management has accepted a buyout offer from private equity firms. Including the 2005 spin-outs of Live Nation (NYSE: LYV) and Clear Channel Outdoor (NYSE: CCO), Clear Channel shareholders have done pretty well for themselves since the Less is More strategy was implemented.

Newspapers: Less is Less
Strategy: LESS. Newspapers are reducing everything in sight including: employees, subscribers, revenues, reporting staff, and even the physical size of the newspapers. In fact, they have cut everything except their margins…a fact which has prevented them from reinvesting in growth areas like they should be. In short, they are screwed.
Value: LESS. Newspaper stocks go down every day.

There are four ways in which you can spend money. You can spend your own money on yourself. When you do that, why then you really watch out what you’re doing, and you try to get the most for your money. Then you can spend your own money on somebody else. For example, I buy a birthday present for someone. Well, then I’m not so careful about the content of the present, but I’m very careful about the cost. Then, I can spend somebody else’s money on myself. And if I spend somebody else’s money on myself, then I’m sure going to have a good lunch! Finally, I can spend somebody else’s money on somebody else. And if I spend somebody else’s money on somebody else, I’m not concerned about how much it is, and I’m not concerned about what I get. And that’s government. And that’s close to 40% of our national income.

-Milton Friedman

Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing

Favorite Milton Friedman quote

2nd Favorite: “The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem.”

3rd Favorite: “Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program.”

If you want to see how to be devastatingly clear in a debate watch this Milton Friedman video on Limited Government

Most people have one “raise the bar” friend. He’s the one who buys everybody shots — without warning — at midnight. Or who orders filet mignon as soon as it becomes clear that the restaurant bill is going to be split evenly.

Step 1: Raising the bar can be also be used to mess with friends. An easy version of this comes at bonus time. Start early. If you have a friend who gets a bonus in December or January, start yesterday. Begin innocently by reminding your buddy just how much he has “killed it” this year. Emphasize how critical he was to his firm’s sucess. The key is to inflate your friends’ expectations so far beyond reality that no matter what their “numbie” is, they are disappointed.

Step 2: Laugh evily.

Fear is temporary. Greed is permanent.

-unknown

Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing

Following the release of Long or Short Capital’s first quarter of fiscal year 2007 financial performance, the firm is issuing a a $0.73 dividend per a subscriberholder as of 10/31/2006. To qualify, all you need to be is a subscriber, either by XML or E-mail, as of 10/31/2006. If you were not, you will not be eligible.

For more information on how to collect your cash or cash equivalent dividend, please refer to our Dividend Policy. Given our float of 385 subscriberstakes (as of 10/31/2006), a 5% growth assumption and our trailing twelve months total of dividends of $3.17 per subscriber, our current capitalization is $42,715 using a dividend discount model. Our market cap has grown 33% sequentially.

In the movie Borat, Borat goes to a Hummer dealership and encounters a car salesman (“there is no magnet”) named Jim Sell.

The film is distributed by 20th Century Fox, and the studio spokesperson attached to the project is Greg Brilliant.

Do you know the saying, ‘man’s reach exceeds his grasp’? This is not true – rather, it is that man’s grasp exceeds his nerve.

-Nikolas Tesla in The Prestige

Past Quotes Entirely Relevant to Investing