Humor Liquidity, Please Don’t Ask About Solvency

by Mr Juggles

For those of you who are worried about our humor liquidity, let me put it to rest. We will be able to continue to make our articles the best ever because the Fed has agreed to backstop all humor liquidity from their newly opened “The Window” Window. We can use as much as we want. Additionally, the restrictions have been lowered on the quality of the underlying jokes required to be used as collateral; pathetic wordplay jokes pertaining to regression such as “I’m regressing” now qualify along with the more traditional nuanced satirical jokes. “The Window” Window will be open to us for the period of one month from today. Also, “Today” resets every day. As a result of the fact that it is always “Today” we will have infinity months of federally guaranteed humor and we hope to remain humor solvent until this crisis abates. Thank you for sticking with Long or Short in this harrowing time.

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POSTED: 03/18/08 3:19 PM
Comment (130)


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Comments

  1. Fred
    March 18th, 2008 | 3:36 pm

    Humor liquidity? Is that like funny money?

  2. Size
    March 18th, 2008 | 4:55 pm

    I can’t help being reminded of WorldCom. Only, this time, it’s the Fed doing it and praying the market reverses before anybody figures it out.

  3. unoriginal
    March 18th, 2008 | 7:15 pm

    you know original reporting right? wonder, where these assholes got this idea from…

    http://valleywag.com/369428/12-things-that-cost-more-than-bear-stearns

  4. amtann
    March 19th, 2008 | 8:36 am

    By backstopping your humor; the Fed has deflated the value of “real” comedic writing by Canadians (the fictional residents of the country to our north). Shame on you for being addicted to liquid humor and shame on the Fed for enabling your illness.

  5. To The Hilt
    March 19th, 2008 | 9:09 am

    @ unoriginal. a) you suck. b) that’s it, really.

    back, to the topic at hand. this is great news for PBateman. His sense of humor was at great risk of declaring for (more than moral) bankruptcy.

  6. WTF Jr.
    March 19th, 2008 | 9:29 am

    I am glad to hear LOS will be able to participate in the Fed’s throw the money out “The Window” sales event. Combined with the all *NEW* purple fives, this should be the best sales event of the year!

  7. Ronnie M. Honduras
    March 19th, 2008 | 11:32 am

    This is good news! Blogshares was valuing my humorless blog at $36 / share, and now its bounced all the way up to $2.00!

  8. Toro
    March 19th, 2008 | 3:23 pm

    You guys have Bob Saget on the payroll now, don’t you?

  9. PBateman
    March 19th, 2008 | 4:39 pm

    @ To the Hilt, I resemble that remark.

    Zimbabwe must have a massive low humor discount rate with all the liquidity its been squirting.

  10. Gabriel
    March 21st, 2008 | 12:14 am

    “The Window” is open?
    Someone will be defenestrated really soon…
    Maybe many someones…

  11. Anal_yst
    March 21st, 2008 | 1:14 am

    how did it take someone so long (see #10 Gabriel) to make that comment, wtf???

  12. HelicalZz
    March 21st, 2008 | 9:03 am

    Some of us who have passed off the humor of others without first insuring its future availability or verifying the quality are concerned.

    Do you think this will result in a potential – ‘nude dwarf in a python’ scenario.

  13. Peter
    March 22nd, 2008 | 2:27 am

    I couldn’t reach this website yesterday the whole evening – do I have to worry about such liquidity problems until the subprime crisis is over?