Investment Strategies in a World Where Time Travel is Possible

by Johnny Debacle

Business Travel Through TimeTime Travel is now back in play, so it’s important to plan your investments accordingly. Here are some strategies which, according to our extensive time traveling experience, will be adopted in the future.

Groundhog Maximization: This involves using your time machine to go back into the past and relive a past day as yourself. Yesterday works best. You keep reliving yesterday’s making money until you have have perfected it. Then you move on to the next day.
Upside: Maximizes each day of your linear life.
Downside: Doesn’t maximize each day of your actual life. Also you would probably have to kill yourself each day to get your past self out of the way.
Caveat: Not as easy as it looks. Sometimes referred to as “Sawtooth Snapping”.

Terminator Option Protection: Use time travel to go back in time and eliminate the creation of the ability to travel in time.
Upside: This will protect your time travel based investment from “Me-too” copycats and other space-time continuum irregularities.
Downside: This may undue your existence and/or create a rift in the space-time continuum, which will in turn probably destroy reality.
Caveat: Be sure to avoid making contact with a younger version of yourself.

Alien/Squid Technology Asset Allocation: This involves using your time machine to go into the future to steal either alien or squid (depending on which race becomes our overlords) technology. Then your time machine is used to bring said technology back to the present where you can use your assets to fund the profitization of your future tech.
Upside: This could make you billions.
Downside: Your Moody’s survival rating would be below investment grade; given that it’s from Moody’s the floor is the limit as to your actual survival rate.
Caveat: Make sure you bring back something potentially lucrative. Renewable energy based on salt water = Good. Alien ionizing deodorizer = not Good. Anything that you can buy at the Sharper Image is Not Good. Also do not bring any aliens or squid back with you as it may accelerate the end of the human race.

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