Long or Short Capital Audit for Fiscal Year 2008

by User Submitted

Submitted by user Bean Counter

To the Board of Directors and Shareholders
Long or Short Capital, LLC

We have audited the accompanying balance sheets of Long or Short Capital, LLC as of December 31, 2008 and the related statements of income, retained earnings, and cash flows for the year then ended. These financial statements are the responsibility of the Company’s management, despite repeated claims that the responsibility lies with TARP, TALF, ALF and various other entities and bailout programs. Our responsibility is to express an opinion on these financial statements based on our audits and to enjoy the frequent perks and privileges that management provided us with by utilizing the suspended dividend payments. We conducted our audits in accordance with the lessor of SAAP or auditing standards generally accepted in Zimbabwe (GAAPIZ). Those standards require that we do absolutely no planning, and that we perform the audit to obtain reasonable assurance about whether the financial statements are printed on some form of paper. Preferably recycled paper, as to appear “green” and encourage further investment. This audit includes examining, on test basis, evidence supporting the amounts and disclosures spent by management in “getting it done.” An audit also includes assessing the lack of principles used and significant estimates made by management, as well as evaluating the overall financial statement presentation to make sure that it “looks pretty.” We believe that our audits provide a reasonable basis for our opinion. In our opinion, the financial statements referred to above present fairly, in all material respects, the financial position of Long or Short Capital, LLC as of December 31, 2008, and the results of its operations and its cash flows for the years then ended in conformity with the lessor of SAAP and accounting principals generally accepted in Zimbabwe (GAAPIZ).

Bean Counter & Associates

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  1. Pleb
    April 6th, 2009 | 8:05 pm

    I don’t see how anybody could argue with that.

  2. April 9th, 2009 | 11:58 am

    If your business has been nationalized, you can no longer sue SAAP. You have to use Generally Accepted Government Measurement Estimates (GAGME).