More Selling Nothing For Profit: Real Estate in 4D

by Kaiser Edamame

We are initiating coverage on the 4th dimension with a sector rating of “Yes Please“. We believe the 4th dimension is under-followed by the Street partly because it’s existence is based on string theory and currently, not empirically verifiable. When people get nervous about the existence of a company or industry, that is when LoS starts looking to lay down the big bones.* This thesis has previously worked well for us in the hot boobs sector where several years ago people were calling surgically enhanced boobs “fake.” Through extensive due diligence we determined that you could touch, taste, and smell silicon/saline boobs and hence they aren’t “fake” at all, they are just glorious, we’ve been long them and it’s paid off, HUGE.

This time it’s the 4th dimension everyone is calling fake and once again we don’t buy it (figuratively) because we recommend buying it (literally). We think the 4th dimension is the lowest cost location in the world. One artist in San Francisco is selling real estate in the fourth dimension realizing profit margins of 99.8% — without any expertise or track record as a 3D real estate broker.

Recommendation: We recommend anything you can get your hands on in 4-D, especially if you can get your hands on a pair of (3)4-Ds. If you’re having trouble identifying direct investment in the 4th dimension, try derivative plays in tessalation which lets you travel through the fourth dimension via a Wrinkle in Time or in 3-D glasses which look sweet and when used in the 4th dimension make everything 12-dimensional, i.e. decadimensional +2.

*This thesis is consistent with Mr Juggles Investments Commandments 5a and 5b because while we would never invest in a company with a fictitious CEO, if a CEO was nearly rumoured to be fictitious, this may well be the kind of mania we would like to bet against.

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  1. Leveraged Finance
    February 27th, 2007 | 8:25 am

    I consider acting on your recommendation to buy various assets in the 4th dimension, but I don’t have time.

  2. February 27th, 2007 | 8:47 am

    1 point for commenter #1. well done.

  3. Texas Hedger
    February 27th, 2007 | 11:16 am

    Help! My broker won’t give me a mark on my 4th dimension real estate total return swaps. Does anyone know the beta of 4-D assets relative to say, Chinese A shares?

  4. The Corner
    February 27th, 2007 | 11:55 am

    I believe a 12-D experience would be a dodecadimensional

  5. February 27th, 2007 | 12:12 pm

    Is 4-D available as an ADR (Actual Dimension Receipt)?

  6. February 28th, 2007 | 3:51 am

    As “leveraged finance” alluded to, the fourth dimension in some senses is time. This is a useful physical idea for thinking about such concepts as event horizons around black holes, and other make believe stuff. So technically the price of the fourth dimension should be the time value of money. So if you are paying more than LIBOR dollars for your fourth dimension assets, you are getting screwed.