No Punch Line Needed

by Mr Juggles

The president of the United Auto Workers union said the dire financial troubles of the three U.S. auto makers is the result this year’s spike in gasoline prices and the meltdown on Wall Street, not missteps by management or high labor costs.

“This industry is in a crisis situation not of its own making,” Ron Gettelfinger said in an interview Saturday afternoon with The Wall Street Journal

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  1. Pleb
    November 17th, 2008 | 9:59 am

    You omitted the best part of the article:

    “The facts that our corporate bureaucracy-designed cars blow ass and nobody wants to buy them, and that the crippling wage and benefits packages we inflicted on the Big Three make reorganization unlikely, are completely irrelevant. You don’t mind if we back our fleet of Korematsu dump trucks up to Fort Knox, so you can fill them with gold, do you? Considering we can push several million votes your way, we think it’s a great offer for you, one you can’t refuse.”

    Okay, it’s true he didn’t use those words. But that is exactly what he said.

  2. November 17th, 2008 | 3:00 pm


    Combined with the GM video (shameless self-promotion alert, with my appologies in advance) @ 1-2 knockout, this is just getting better by the day.


  3. Size
    November 18th, 2008 | 12:42 pm

    I love the argument that the Auto companies bankruptcy (‘coz they aren’t already bankrupt. right) would cost $100 Billion. So what? They’ve already destroyed almost $500 Billion over last decade. Another $100 Billion (which is obviously a bullshit number since these bitches don’t actually make any money and will likely gobble more than that in resources over the next 12 months) would be a small price to pay to get rid of them forever.

  4. A somali
    November 18th, 2008 | 12:58 pm

    these somali pirates are clearly the baller-est pirates in history. who jacks a $150 million supertanker??

  5. November 18th, 2008 | 2:34 pm


    Personally, I’d jack a $300m oligarch’s megayacht, and a $100m supertanker full-o-fuel to keep her running (from the various Navy’s).

  6. Coop
    November 18th, 2008 | 2:50 pm

    This has nothing to do with this post, but I wanted to let you know that the Piratery industry is really making news over the last couple days. They even stole a supertanker. I think its time to revise you models on piratery, because at this growth rate, they will have the largest economy in the world in about a week. I think this demands immediate and highly satirical coverage.

  7. nm
    November 18th, 2008 | 6:53 pm

    Actually, LoS has been short piratery for quite some time.

  8. November 19th, 2008 | 1:28 pm

    That supertanker heist is clearly a market top. The easy money has been made and now every somali with a 20-foot fishing boat is going to be out there chasing smaller and smaller returns.

  9. FX_rules
    November 19th, 2008 | 3:49 pm

    I know he’s union and all, but can he be fired for incompetance? Not of your own making? That guy doesn’t know reality.

  10. HongBalls
    November 19th, 2008 | 4:31 pm

    “Incompetance?” the ironing is delicious

  11. Coop
    November 19th, 2008 | 4:48 pm

    @nm – I know, I have relied on LoS for my piratery research for quite awhile. While Los has historically been short pirates and their trade, I think that recent events have proven piratery to be an emerging defensive sector, for a variety of reasons:
    1. They steal their inventory, which leads to high margins
    2. The risk return analysis of trying to hijack the biggest vehicle on earth using a row-boat and a korean war era AK becomes more attractive when everyone in your country is starving. If you have a row-boat.
    3. Holding pirated assets at sea creates a unique legal situation, as the pirate captain of every ship technically creates his own domicile, so any taxes he might be required to pay on the profites derived from pirateering would be paid to himself, which is nice. He can also invoke marshall law, which is an added bonus.
    4. To my knowledge, pirates’ pensions are not structured as defined benefit plans.

    While this may display some of the characteristics of a bubble, I think piratery is really just emerging as a viable business model. We must remember that currently piratery is limited to the sea – I will call a bubble when pirates pirate the space station.

  12. nm
    November 20th, 2008 | 10:11 am

    Re: 4, they do have considerable DBOs, for example look at the Pirate Code of Bartholomew Roberts. However, this is alleviated by favorable mortality rates.

  13. Strattie
    November 20th, 2008 | 10:54 am

    Oh, we subsidize Privately Owned Colleges, Privately Owned Public Transportation, Privately Owned Food Production and Sales.

    Maybe it’s time to show that BUSINESSES need to run like a BUSINESSES: if you can’t make money, your ass is toast. Cater to customer demands, that’s Management, Marketing, and Business 101’s mantra, Econ 101 says don’t over supply if you don’t have the demand.

    Did these people just fall off of trees? How do they run companies when they don’t even know the basics of business?!?!

    The consumers will find substitutes or just pay up. Or the industry will provide what the customers want and need.

    I know I’m blowing somebody’s mind with the prospect of realistic approach to business and efficiency and effectiveness of operations.

  14. November 20th, 2008 | 6:07 pm

    @ Strattie

    One day, a long long time ago in a not-so-far away land, Uncle Sam extended what was meant to be a 1-time special Gov’t helpline.

    Then, he fell down a slippery slope, and the rest is, as they say, history…

  15. November 21st, 2008 | 2:47 am

    @8. Long speedboats. I am loving pirates which gives me a nifty segue into saying I’ve loved this site for a while but didn’t want you to be overwhelmed with compliments. Cheers.

  16. Andrew
    November 24th, 2008 | 8:29 am

    At this rate, the pirates will start pirating themselves around mid-December.