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JDs Favorite Soup Recipe

1) Order cheese pizza from your finest local supplier.
2) Put it in a bowl.
3) Eat with spoons.

Serves 2.

 
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Monopoly Board Game: Playing with Real Money and a Developed Capital Market

How does one play Monopoly with real money and a functioning capital market with an interest rate based on the “Trip Around the Board” unit of time all the while maintaining the quirky board specific events?

This is our project.

Long or Short Capital has established these preliminary rules following our initial diligence.

  1. The game should use some set a ratio as an exchange rate of dollars to monopoly dollars as an initial buy-in. Players should not be able to exchange money in or out of the game until the game is finished.

  2. Players would have to start with very little money forcing them to have to raise capital for anything but the most marginal investments.
  3. All asset transactions as well as mergers are permitted, with the stipulation that terms under which all transactions occur are upheld and honored.
  4. There should be at least 6 players, 2 of which will be bankers (see below).
  5. The game would definitely need one permanent banker, perhas two to prevent monopolistic banking practices. The bankers would have to be judged by the same scale as the players –profits generated through savvy banking. The wrinkle is that you would probably have to judge one banker’s profit making against the others.
  6. Game Duration: Time delimited or turn delimited or until one player has a made amount of money or until only one non-banker player is left standing?

Comments from Original Post

Long or Short Capital will continue to revise the game by thinking “Big Thoughts” and by listening to input from both readers and the illiterate, until a proper Capital Market Monopoly Board Game (CMMBG) has been resolved. Then we we will host a game. Possibly online and to a flurry of lawsuits.

 
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Are Diamonds Marketed at the Idiot Demographic?

Published on December 4, 2005 by in Research

Say Forever I Do with an uncut bag o’ diamonds “mixed with the natural elements they are found.” Perhaps the missing link from diamonds to the Idiot Demographic.

 
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Счастливого отпуска!! or Is Russia A Place to Invest or a Place to Fear?

This will be a point/counterpoint analysis. Kaiser, unbeknownst to him until now and fresh off a trip to Germany, will supply the counterpoint.

A common investing theme is that Russia is the place to put your money. Why?

Burgeoning middle class!!
Favorable demographics!!
Heavily educated human capital base from which to draw!!
More oil than T. Boone Pickens!!
Business friendly, and otherwise unfriendly, Dictator Tsar General-Secretary President Putin!!
Tradition of outlining and executing 3-5 year plans!!
Tradition of strongly protected property rights, economic openness and political stability!!
Literature with greats like Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn!!
And for the kids…GULAGS!!

Well sorry to be the turd in the blinchiki but Russia is jockeying to try and do the only thing they know to try and do: nuke the USA and rule the world. They don’t care about economic openness. They don’t care about working hard and they don’t believe in capitalism. They want three things, in no specific order.

Vodka.
World Domination.
To do evil.

It is an entire nation which channels the ethos of lazy ammoral kleptocracy. When I was there 11 years ago, my main takeaway is that if there is one redeeming quality about Russia it is the null set. When I have studied Russia, it has seemed like a good place to be unhappy, or to be purged, or to be evil, or to die from nuclear fallout, or to have your loans defaulted on and your money swindled.

And Russia is not a place to invest money for these very same reasons. They don’t have ethics. They refuse to live without corruption which would make a Chinese Judge blush. They are both willing and able to expropriate any foreign direct investment. And don’t think they aren’t still cooking up ways to drop Cuban paratroopes into small unsuspecting Coloradan towns.

Russia is a place to FEAR. Avoid buying stocks, bonds, derivatives and any other security or financial interest which are dependent upon Russian assets….Unless you look forward to waking up a year or two for now and opening your personal portfolio account and wondering “Hey where did my Gazprom go!” as you look at a ‘Thank you Comrade’ note signed “Sincerely, V Putin.”

Recommendation: Ask your financial advisor about low cost index funds which track the Moscow Stock exchange. Then, “do not buy” them.

 
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Long or Short Capital: Making Lives Better

Thanks to an old post on a new paradigm for blogging start-ups (Sexy Chinese Female Bloggers), Long or Short Capital is no.1 in Connecting Arabian Men with Sexy Chinese Women via search engines.

 
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Piratery fka Piracy: Primer to Investing in Cutlasses, Rum and Pillaging

Pirates.

Piracy used to be an important industry providing raping and pillaging services for emerging market economies and sovereign states. Fine countries such as Trinidad and Tobago were built on the pirate economy. Can you imagine England if pirates hadn’t been around? It would now be the United Kingdom of Mexico and London would be New Seville, had it not been for an enterprising fleet of bucaneers.

Pirate Opportunities

Over the past couple decades, shipping companies, luxury cruiselines and international boating have all seen large increases in net profits. However, there has not been a commensurate rise in piratery.

Piratery provides a compelling ROI for the entrepeneurial seaman. For an investment of $20-30k in a boat, some deckhands and rental cutlasses, a pirate captain can realize a 50-60% ROI in one year. Of course, this only holds true given the proper locale. For example, the coast of Somalia is a competitive, if fragmented, market. Investing there is a bad risk reward proposition for a variety of reasons. See Somali Pirates Out of Control or Somali Pirates Free Ship After Month of Captivity or Pirates Attack Cruisership or the free daily paper’s headline from yesterday simply titled “ARGH!” for more details.

But setting up a lair in a place like Isla Margarita, located off the northern coast of Venenzuela, would be an environment with relatively low piratery penetration but proximity to major cruiseline and OPEC oil routes. An added bonus, Isla Margarita is where non-pirate berserker Lope de Aguirre reached his crescendo.

You need to strike while the iron is hot and not be heedin any naysayers or scallywags. Piratery is your path to financial freedom. You’ll be flying the skull & crossbones over a Jupiter, FL mansion in no time.

Recommendation: Depending on your investing horizon, commence pirate raids on commercial trading routes immediately or ask your financial advisor about low cost index funds which track the piratery index. Swig a few shots of Mount Gay, if need be.

 
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Pillow Pair Trade

Long or Short Capital has completed extensive fundmental analysis of the pillow market. After surveys, studies, and focus groups a few conclusions have become obvious:

  • Pillows are most often used by consumers for sleep-assistance purposes although they can sometimes be used for back support and/or playful fights in sorority houses
  • The optimal Full Pillow Equivalent (FPE) to Human Head ratio is approximately 1.0x
  • Pillow pricing is directly proportional to the average number of frills per pillow as well as the number of fabric colors per pillow. Pricing is generally inversely correlated to the utility and comfort of a pillow.
  • Some of these conclusions are surprising given the current state of the pillow market. For instance, in the US, FPEs per Human Head are running at almost 3.4x vs. the 1.0x optimal level. Note that this estimate includes almost 6 decorative pillows per household (or 1.2 FPEs). Meanwhile, FPEs per Human Head are approximately 0.1x in developing economies such as Malaysia and Zimbabwe and around 0.6x in China, the world’s most populous country.

    We feel strongly that these trends will converge in the long term with the US (and Europe, to a lesser extent) reducing their consumption of frilly, non-functional pillows and developing countries upgrading from rocks to pillows for head support. Our surveys of starving third world citizens find that pillows run fifth on desired items following only clean water, freedom, blond hair and Pampers for the kids. This presents an attractive investment opportunity.

    Recommendation:
    We are recommending a pair trade: Go long pillow makers with emerging market focus and short domestic pillow makers.

     
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    I Can’t Agree More… Unless I Change These Words

    People who decry the fact that businesses are in business “just to make money” seldom understand the implications of what they are saying. You make money by doing what other people want, not what you want.

    This is Thomas Sowell’s succinct and accurate rebuttal to all those who decry the manifold splendor of capitalism and stuff. Amazing.

    But this statement is equally true about monkeys throwing feces. Especially when I change the words.

    People who decry the fact that monkeys who throw feces are throwing feces “just to throw feces” seldom understand the implications of what they are saying. Monkeys who throw feces throw feces by doing what other monkeys want, not what they want.

     
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    Germany is Ynamreg spelled backwards.

    In the middle of a European trip I have discovered that Germans are trying to take over the world, again. The combination of their industrious efficiency and unquestionable respect for authority caused the first two world wars and it’s only a matter of time before it happens again.

    Signs Germans will take over the world:
    1. I can choose the exact temperature of the water in my shower here

    2. They all open and start their cars with fingerprints instead of keys

    3. The most popular station at the spa is the ice cold bath (it’s really f-ckin cold, only people plotting world domination would wait in line to be that cold)

    4. The women are slightly attractive, but the whole talking in German thing kind of ruins it, thus the ugliness of the language will prevent the men from becoming distracted.

    5. The floor of the mini-fridge is a scale, when I pick up a bottle, the fridge knows how much each product weighs and shows me the price on a screen. If I pick up two items at the same time, it says “Only touch one item at a time”

    I would tell you to brush up on your German in preparation for their rise to power, but don’t bother they all already speak English anyway.

    Recommendation: Long the German military industrial complex.

     
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    Sellout Saturday Dos

    This post could have been titled “We tried to sell-out but Google wouldn’t let us.” Why wouldn’t they let us? Because Google’s Firefox referral is a complete abject failure — we didn’t get paid for any of our referred downloads. Live and learn. Bye Google referral, we’d rather invest our money in lime futures than waste sidebar space with your link.

    This week we have better sell out. Adverts in our RSS feed. Yahoo finally has them and we’re going to stick them in, and report the results one week from today. And you’re going to love them because who doesn’t love ads???

     
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    Architecture and Tourists

    I’ve often heard that you can spot tourists in NYC or San Fran because they are the ones staring up at the buildings. But I realized today that if you follow that advice, you always end up mistaking architecture students for tourists.

     
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    Long or Short Capital Increases Quarterly Dividend to $1.50 Per Subscriber

    Quarter-to-date performance has been excellent and revenue is growing in the low triple digits. The subscriber base has been growing at a modest rate, so Longorshort has exhibited significant dividend growth leverage. Via my model, the implied current market capitalization of Longorshort is $12,545 and each subscriberstake is worth $193. To be fair, my model wasn’t designed to analyze this kind of investment, but it is otherwise incredible in its brilliance and accuracy.

     
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    Sellout Saturday

    Cash flow. We all know what it is. Everybody wants some. In light of our new Long or Short Capital dividend policy, we need it. But how do we get it?

    Simple. Sell out as much as possible. Each Saturday we will try and take it down a notch and whore ourselves in new and shameless ways. As part of the deal, the following Saturday we’ll let you know how successful our greed was.

    This week’s sellout: Download the limited edition Firefox through the button on the top left of the sidebar. This only applies to people who don’t have Firefox installed already.

    You can put cash money in our pockets and make us rich beyond your wildest dreams. Don’t know what the Firefox browser is and why it is good to use? Well we don’t know either, but rumor has it that it turns html into gold and sends it directly into your bank account. Either that or it makes you 4 inches taller and 3x as smart.

    Each time you download Firefox and install it, use it, and love it, Google issues us a single share in their company. Or gives us a dollar. We’re unsure about that part.

    Download it now before Google runs out of Firefoxes and has to make more.

    Update: This will no longer work, since we removed the button.

     
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    The Game Over Paradigm for News Reporting

    This Marketwatch headline just caught my attention.

    Game over for Chinese Internet game operators?

    I have no opinion as to the veracity of that statement, but it got me thinking: why do these silly little journalists even bother hiding the fact that they don’t actually do any sort of journalistic research? Instead they just take the subject matter for an article, figure out a pun title and and have a team of monkeys* fill the rest.

    Do newspaper firms even do old-school style journalism anymore? Why not shift the paradigm overtly and stop paying lip service to research? Just report the world based on low hanging puns. Think of the brave new world we could create! Everything reported would be thin slice reactions based not on events but the visceral vocabularic responses which they inspire.

    You wake up, put on your mumu and go straight to marketwatch.com to see the latest news:

    RIMM results are Berry Good

    Revlon Attempts to put a Good Face on Results

    Caterpillar Demolishes Estimates

    P&G Numbers Need a Swiffer Picker-Upper

    SC Johnson Results Go Down the Drano

    Analysts Examine ConAgra 3Q05 Net Income and Wonder: Where’s the Beef?

    Ipod Competition Seeks to Take a Bite Out of Apple

    Investors are Stone Cold as WWE Wrestles With Declining Ratings

    Rob Glaser Rhapsodizes on Real’s Future

    Lack of Toy Sales Spell ‘Dr Doom’ for Marvel

    When I buy a newspaper company, or, more likely am handed one for free as I walk up from the subway, it’s going to be amazing. Investors will thank me, ladies will love me. Truth is much harder to produce and less marketable than superficial entertainment.

    Recommendation: A savvy private equity firm should pick-up some newspapers on the cheap and apply the Game Over Paradigm; it would be Game Over for the competition.

    Mr Juggles advised on this article

    * People know monkeys for their proclivity for eating bananas and flinging their feces, but few know of the unparallelled productivity which a properly incented monkey is capable of. A few bananas go a long way
     
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