Sell Out Saturday: Q3’06 Mid-Quarter Earnings Update

by Mr Juggles

We are revising our guidance down for our Q3 revenue projections. Current contextual CPC advertising is down 60% sequentially period over period. Although our spirits are buffetted by our Infinite% improvement in YOY Q3TD growth, this is probably due to a slight misunderstanding of basic principles of logic and arithmetic. Static text ads are performing as expected, while Blogads is only slightly below plan at $Pretty Good in attributable operating cash flow.

After an unstensive SWOT analysis provided by a NDA-bound third party consulting firm, we have reached a 5 Step Plan to Profit, which we will refer to as Operation Sir Click-A-Lot.

Step 1. Improve efficieny and apply six sigma concepts to our process; scrap Kanban JIT manufacturing concepts and move to scheduled content delivery, while keeping enough capacity to provide humor to the spot market selectively when prices are attractive.

Step 2. Headcount reduction. We have reduced our staff by 14% by rationalizing our call centers and by cutting our Chief Compliance Officer, who provided neither Compliances or Offices in his 2+ months on the job. This has realized cost savings on a pro forma annual runrate basis of $Div/0.

Step 3. Seek strategic relationships and selective syndicating and licensing opportunities. We have some initiatives going on behind the scenes, and one consumated deal to announce as as the details are finalized. We expect this deal to be cash accretive out of the box, as well as both traffic and awesome accretive: expect a whole lot of accretion action. Our IPO is in the works but will be delayed until the market is more robust.

Step 4. Implore our readers to reread the name Operation Sir Click-A-Lot and beknight themselves.

Step 5. Hope our readers aren’t Stanford Grads. Profit.

As it is, dividends are under pressure due to our high subscriber growth without in-line revenue growth; at these depressed levels we are at risk of a hostile takeover from a consortium of well-funded private equity firms, or a possible restructuring play by a savvy distressed investor whose first move would be to crush the equity.

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