Cerberus: Den of Mini-Ballers or of Satan?

by Kaiser Edamame

Portfolio.com has a portrait of Cerberus Management founder Stephen Feinberg.

Some choice quotes:

But then, Feinberg is not trying to win a popularity contest.

No shit, really?

There is little at the office to distract staffers from the business at hand—almost no art on the walls, no fancy woodwork. “It’s not a place you bring clients to impress them,” says a former employee, who adds that those in the satellite offices refer to headquarters as the Death Star.

“His ego is having no ego.”

Do real people say things like this about people? Have you ever thought about one of your colleagues or friends something along these lines? “He has an 800lb gorilla on his back, and its the desire to make money for his clients.” Do Business rags just make this up?

“Steve didn’t care. He was a get-it-done person, and he wanted to get it done.”

Mini-baller?

They named their new company after the three-headed dog that guards the gates of hell in Greek mythology. The company has long held that the symbolism refers to the fact that one eye is always open, presumably protecting investors’ money.

The symbolism refers also to the fact that Cerberus Capital Management serves at Hell’s pleasure.

Recommendation: We recommend a Steve pair trade — long Feinberg, short Schwarzmann, a bet on Stevevergence. Feinberg may be a “get-it-done” person, but minions of the dark lord are excluded from mini-baller status. (Aside to Portfolio, how could you not mention Cerberus deals which aren’t getting gone? Or are they getting done?)

HT to reader Kyle S

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