Emerging (Market) Opportunities

by Mr Juggles

The New York Observer recently ran a great article where they asked the terrible people who frequent Bungalow 8 to comment on the Iraq war. I highly recommend it.

“I live this debauched life of partying and fun,” he added, “but you have to think about Darfur, you have to think about Iraq, you have to think about the pressing danger of Iran. I think people should enjoy themselves—which I’m not going to stop doing—but at the same time, there should be a level of guilt.”

He looked around Bungalow 8. “Do you think the Iraqis, little villagers in Kandahar, are doing this?” he said. “None of them are. And that’s the sad, awful truth.”

Recommendation: As you know, I often start businesses based on whims, run them until I bore, and then sell them for a huge profit. Well, this d-bag actually has a point. There are no high-end, exclusive clubs where the douchebags of Iraq can go to escape the plebes and pay thousands of Iraqi Dinar for the same bottle of liquor that retails for 49 drachma in the local store. This is clearly a stellar opportunity. Open Bunker 8, the hottest club Bagdhad has ever seen, and you will be rewarded down the line.

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  1. PBateman
    March 12th, 2007 | 11:56 am

    You think they’ll serve Carbombs?

  2. March 12th, 2007 | 12:52 pm

    Not quite the same thing, but in China, you can bargain for bottles of liquor at bars and then take them home with you. $7USD is pretty nice.

    Trustifarians don’t even know what’s going on in NY, why even bother asking about Iraq. This is one of the few places where I’d probably rather talk to a banker more than anyone else, I’d assume they’d know more about politics than anyone in that article.

    I wonder if Laura Choi gets attacks with carbombs.

  3. To The Hilt
    March 12th, 2007 | 1:41 pm

    There’s another investment opportunity here.

    Long: A joint venture between The Carlyle Group and the CIA, Chuck Norris Capital.

    Investment Thesis: Revenue growth from the emerging market in killing douchebags like those featured in that article.

    Catalyst: I will pay any price to ensure the profitability of the operation, so long as every single person quoted in that article is eradicated.

    There is also a great way to boost returns here by obtaining the hit list and shorting the names thereon.

  4. The Corner
    March 12th, 2007 | 2:30 pm

    My colleagues at Assbag Capital Partners will join the consortium.

  5. RC
    March 13th, 2007 | 9:13 am


    Sign me up to be an entrepreneur-in-residence at Chuck Norris Capital.

  6. HarlemHaberdasher
    March 13th, 2007 | 2:08 pm

    I think he meant

    Chuck Norris Capital Punishment, LLC

  7. March 13th, 2007 | 2:11 pm

    I think I want to invest. Is it true that he can move markets just by twirling the ends of his moustache in either clockwise or counterclockwise directions (depending on whether he is in the northern or southern hemisphere)?

  8. To The Hilt
    March 13th, 2007 | 3:05 pm

    True. Also true: The subprime mortgage is an elaborate derivative instrument through which CNCP, LLC is roundhouse kicking David Einhorn in the face.

  9. HarlemHaberdasher
    March 13th, 2007 | 9:24 pm

    Is LOS Capital long or short roundhouse kicking value investing luminaries in the face?

  10. To The Hilt
    March 14th, 2007 | 10:24 am

    All respect for Mr. Einhorn aside, I would short shorting Chuck Norris.

    Would you bet against him?

  11. March 14th, 2007 | 10:35 am

    LoS would not bet against Chuck Norris. We might as well burn our money.

  12. HarlemHaberdasher
    March 14th, 2007 | 11:56 am

    I am “infinity long” CNCP roundhouse kicking Bungalow 8 patrons in the face. *That* would be an “efficient market”.