How Inefficient Are Seals?

by Johnny Debacle

Where the walrus puts the sealThis report on seals has us further concerned about the prospects of the entire species.

After 45 minutes the seal gave up, swam into the water and then completely ignored the bird it had just assaulted, the scientists report.

Walruses are models of efficiency. Can you see a walrus ignoring a bird it assaulted? Or do you think he’d make sure the assault was properly finished and the bird either consumed or appropriately stored for later consumption at his Balrus pad?

But the scientists who photographed the event speculate that it was the behaviour of a frustrated, sexually inexperienced young male seal.

Again, a walrus is a model of efficiency. Can you see a walrus doing this, or more apt, a walrus not getting his balrussing on regardless of his experience level? When your species specializes in getting it done, there is never any frustration. There are also no excuses. This is the code they live by.

Recommendation: There is a reason that the movie Andre sucked, and it wasn’t due to the all-star human cast, or the incredible cinematography or the director who shares the same name of the director of Mad Max, but is not actually the director of Mad Max. Hell, you can’t even blame Maine (in this case). No, the problem with that movie was that it wasn’t called Rufus, and wasn’t centered around a walrus with the same name. That movie would have won critical acclaim and probably been so good that just having seen it would get you laid. Additionally, we can’t see seals being a credible species in the context of Global Squidding. Short the seal.

HT to girl

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  1. To The Hilt
    May 7th, 2008 | 12:56 pm

    Nice shoulder turn in the backswing, but he’s way off balance. That seal’s going into the water on the right. Huge slice.

  2. May 7th, 2008 | 4:09 pm

    I suspect March of the Penguins II: Take back the Night is going to be huge at the box office.

  3. May 7th, 2008 | 4:41 pm

    Hilt, its so wrong but I can’t stop laughing

    seal face, corner pocket

  4. Analrapist
    May 7th, 2008 | 7:06 pm

    Seals no longer able to id their own species for reproductive purposes. Buy out of the money “existing” puts and wait.

  5. donny
    May 9th, 2008 | 4:30 am

    I am the walruss

  6. Boyband
    May 9th, 2008 | 7:58 am

    But what if they have yellow bow ties?

  7. BSD
    May 9th, 2008 | 11:37 am

    Boyband – Ace Greenberg is NOT a Seal, don’t let your eyes fool you.

  8. coop
    May 9th, 2008 | 1:51 pm

    Donny, life does not stop and start at your convenience

  9. KOPI
    May 15th, 2008 | 1:05 pm

    Poor seal – he’s got no chance of becoming a mini-baller. A mini-baller seal would have just gotten it done. (Or convinced a fellow mini-baller seal to pick up where he left off, “seriously bro, that seal is more into you anyway – get it done.”)

  10. overbought
    May 15th, 2008 | 10:48 pm

    I’m voting LOS #1 in alternative animal kingdom research next year in the Institutional Investor rankings because of this post.