Marijuana Tax: Crack Strategy

by Johnny Debacle

Marijuana Firms are pushing Californian municipalities to tax them.

This week, Oakland began sending out ballots in a special mail-only election on four revenue-generating ballot measures, including Measure F, a tax on medical marijuana.

The clubs see the ballot measure as a way to help the broader cause of medical marijuana.

“Criminals don’t pay taxes,” said James Anthony, an attorney for Harborside Health Center, one of the dispensaries. “Law-abiding citizens do. We are nothing if not law-abiding citizens.”

The strategy at work is what is known as “Crack Strategy.” Crack Strategy can be broken down into four phases.

  1. First one’s free: Give your customer product for free.
  2. Get’em hooked: Wait for your customers return. If they are not suitably addicted, repeat Phase 1.
  3. Kill your competition: Your profits are surging, but competition remains and is a constant threat. You must crush them.
  4. Buy an Island: A place where you can retire to. Phase 4 is almost never reached before death.

Recommendation: California medical marijuana dispensaries are currently in Phase 1 of their Crack Strategy as they attempt to get the Government hooked on their tax money. As we know the Government has a very addictive personality. If the weed firms succeed in attaining addiction to the extent we expect, Phase 3 will occure and a rash of related violence will commence as larger firms seek to crush their competition. This would lead to a surge in demand for hemp garrotes, brass hackey sacks and kabongs (explosive bongs). It is here where you can build your position ahead of the inevitable gap up in prices. Phase 4 is a pipe dream so it shouldn’t be used in any of your modeling.

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  1. HF
    July 2nd, 2009 | 11:11 am

    “California medical marijuana dispensaries are currently in Phase 1 of their Crack Strategy as they attempt to get the Government hooked on their tax money.”
    So true that its frightening….

  2. Pleb
    July 2nd, 2009 | 1:20 pm

    It’s not a good idea to put the onus for balancing the budget on people who would give blowjobs – to chimpanzees, hyenas, or anybody else they suspect might help them obtain drugs – but once the other states see it working, they’ll definitely try it.

    You know what they say – the grass is always greener…

  3. July 2nd, 2009 | 2:57 pm

    Phase 4 will be implemented when they blow themselves to smithereens and/or another “random” earthquake hits the San Andreas and the greater State of California floats out into the Pacific.

  4. July 2nd, 2009 | 3:29 pm
  5. Herbi
    July 2nd, 2009 | 5:18 pm

    I wonder if you also feel the same about the taxes on alcohol and cigarettes? Those cause more harm than marijuana ever could. At least people are getting help with the medical aspects of this “herb” and it is more natural than all those pharma drugs that get you hooked and feed the insurance companies.

    It is like when the prohibition ended on alcohol. Back then you go to jail for alcohol, but could smoke weed feely. Not is is just the opposite.

  6. HF
    July 3rd, 2009 | 4:44 am


    I feel the same about taxes on cigarettes, I belive governmets around the world don’t ban them for two reasons: 1) taxes 2) some members of the government are addicts
    Regarding alchool is a litle diferent because small quantities of alchool can have a beneficial effect on your health: so here the question can be trickier…

  7. herbi
    July 3rd, 2009 | 1:48 pm


    Just as studies have shown that small amounts of alcohol (wine in particular) can be beneficial, there are mountains of research studies that have shown the benefits of marijuana. And that is not to mention all the other great products that can be made from the hemp plant.

  8. herbi
    July 3rd, 2009 | 1:51 pm

    If this is going to happen – legalization of Medical Marijuana, and it is clear it is already happening – then I found a company who is already on top of supplying a payment system and tax remittance card for dispensaries that could greatly help dispensaries be in compliance with the gov. Check it out at

  9. HF
    July 3rd, 2009 | 2:22 pm


    Morphine benefits as a pain reliver for “extreme pains” are well documented, still I am strong beliver that morphine and other opiaciums should be carefully used in pacients due to their addicting propreties, marijuna should be used only in similar circuntances since it has also addicting properties and its side effects can be very dangerous (psycothic behaviour for example).

    Also alchool in small dosages (the ones that can be beneficiall to health) won’t affect your judgement and reasoning capacities while marijuna will.

  10. SBMA
    July 7th, 2009 | 8:36 am


    I think people should be required to learn how to spell before they are allowed to hold strong opinions.

  11. July 7th, 2009 | 9:08 am

    I have no side here except against idiotic irrelevant comments like pointing out someone can’t spell, when clearly they can’t type, or rather can’t type well. In the days when you would spend hours drafting 300 words with ink and paper or painstakingly craft a single simple thought in cuneiform with a stick, spelling errors were a sin. But let’s move on now that we all compose thousands and thousands of words in rapid fashion daily. It’s assinine and unhelpful to slog that into any discussion, especially when his mistakes were understandable enough that nothing was lost in transmission.

  12. July 7th, 2009 | 9:11 am

    Although in your defense, he did spell patients with a c, which is a first. Maybe they were really into peace.

    Nonetheless I declare a Pax Spellimanicus et Typographicus.

    In all debates, focus on your opponent’s idiotic substance not their idiotic form.

  13. SBMA
    July 7th, 2009 | 11:03 am

    You ‘typed’ asinine wrong. Get somea this JD.

    Just kidding…your house your rules.

  14. July 7th, 2009 | 1:00 pm

    Not really a rule in not really a house. As an aside, we (that I know of) don’t delete comments that we disagree with unless they are really vile (racist mainly) or worse, spam.

    But consider the above a thoughtful suggestion that can push communication to better levels as opposed to letting it be weighed down by the red-tape and bureaucracy that is inherent in grammatical, syntactical, spelling and typing nitpicking. Reject the tyranny of perfect form! Embrace the freedom to make minor insubstantial mistakes!*

    *Excepting the egregious error of spelling “patients” as “pacients”. That is unforgivable, a sin that should be punished by internment in the harshest gulags.

  15. July 7th, 2009 | 1:57 pm

    With this being very likely, you’re all probably interested in learning of a venture — an payment system / currency alternative called Rather than being backed by debt and kadeficits, each unit of weedmoney will be backed by ye olde Mary J, audited, properly humidified, and stored in a vault / backwoods shack. I believe weed will hold its value better than the debt-doomed dollar… and even better than gold (e.g., which you can’t smoke amid cancer treatment, or if you’ve got that glaucoma gene, or if you’re in a bind or at a rockin’ show.

    Prospectus upon request.

  16. To The Hilt
    July 7th, 2009 | 2:40 pm

    there are mounds of research showing he medicinal benefits of marijuana.

    now if i could just remember where i put that link….