Translating Corporate Speak: Las Vegas Sands

by Mr Juggles

Analyst Q: The commission cap agreement among the various operators. Sheldon, is there a method set up for enforcing that? And how do you expect it’ll affect your bottom line?

Sheldon Adelson, Las Vegas Sands (NYSE: LVS) Chairman: Well that’s a good question. There has been no when I was there, I committed to do it on the honor system. The breach of which will be reason to beat people up with a wet spaghetti noodle.

Translation: There is no way to enforce this collusive agreement among the local operators because this is China.

Analyst Q: Can I ask about the Sands on the peninsula? All of the revenue components are down, and yet your EBITDAR margin is up an impressive six points, and your EBITDAR is up 13%. How do you do that?
Sheldon Adelson, LVS Chairman:By cooking the books! Just kidding, just kidding. Mike, do you want to answer that?

Translation: I am the Chairman of a public company and I’m joking on a public conference call about cooking the books of a company that is probably cooking the books*. Draw your own conclusions.

*Our lawyers have advised us to note that, when saying that LVS is cooking the books, we don’t mean that in any kind of legal sense. We may mean that in a culinary sense and look forward to a 4th Quarter quiche.

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  1. Cory
    September 18th, 2009 | 10:55 am

    Well look who decided to post. I thought I was going to get a 410 HTTP error when I typed in the web address.

  2. To The Hilt
    September 18th, 2009 | 11:31 am

    I can’t decide if this sort of behavior from management makes LVS a long or a short.

  3. HAM05
    September 18th, 2009 | 12:48 pm

    tth: obviously long and strong

  4. hooligan
    September 21st, 2009 | 2:43 am

    Stimulus Explained

    Imagine this scenario:

    It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

    Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

    The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

    The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

    The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

    The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town’s prostitute that in these hard times, gave her “services” on credit.

    The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

    The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

    At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

    No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism …

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how governments are doing business today.

  5. honkie
    September 21st, 2009 | 6:10 am

    hooligan demonstrates the value of liquidity. at the start, none of the players have any net debt – they all owe 100 and are owed 100, but they all lack the currency to settle. a small short term loan is all that is necessary to grease the skids and get the town’s economy rolling again.

  6. September 22nd, 2009 | 5:30 pm

    translation: I”m so f*cking rich, even now, that I could say whatever the f*ck I want and you monkeys would spend the next year trying to figure it out.