Translating Corporate Speak: Las Vegas Sands

by Mr Juggles

Analyst Q: The commission cap agreement among the various operators. Sheldon, is there a method set up for enforcing that? And how do you expect it’ll affect your bottom line?

Sheldon Adelson, Las Vegas Sands (NYSE: LVS) Chairman: Well that’s a good question. There has been no when I was there, I committed to do it on the honor system. The breach of which will be reason to beat people up with a wet spaghetti noodle.

Translation: There is no way to enforce this collusive agreement among the local operators because this is China.

Analyst Q: Can I ask about the Sands on the peninsula? All of the revenue components are down, and yet your EBITDAR margin is up an impressive six points, and your EBITDAR is up 13%. How do you do that?
Sheldon Adelson, LVS Chairman:By cooking the books! Just kidding, just kidding. Mike, do you want to answer that?

Translation: I am the Chairman of a public company and I’m joking on a public conference call about cooking the books of a company that is probably cooking the books*. Draw your own conclusions.

*Our lawyers have advised us to note that, when saying that LVS is cooking the books, we don’t mean that in any kind of legal sense. We may mean that in a culinary sense and look forward to a 4th Quarter quiche.

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