Are the Headwinds Really HeadSQUIDS?

by User Submitted

User Submitted by A Paleolithic Fish

On the Piratery Corp Inc conference call, I think Crumpacker missed a major point. It seems evident that one external factor is driving both the increase in global warming and the decrease in global piracy. I’m speaking, of course, of the rise of our cephalopod overlords.

Obviously, cephalopods must be behind global warming. As our soon to be VP/chief science expert Sarah Palin tells us, humans have played no part in the dramatic increase in global temperature since the industrial revolution. She understands the obvious motive that Cephalopods have for inducing more warming: higher sea levels. How better to expand squid market share than by increasing the size of their domain? When manhattan sinks beneath the waves, cephalopods will laughing all the way to the (undersea) bank.

Of course, squid have been directly involved in the vast decline in piracy over the past hundred years. If ‘Pirates of the Caribbean 2’ taught us anything, it taught us that. By eliminating one link of the supply chain (from freighter->pirate->squid to just freighter->squid), cephalopods are realizing tremendous efficiency gains that show up in their topline results.

Recommendation: Short Piratery Corp Inc, long SQUD. They promise to eat their shareholders last.

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