Long the Zimbabwean Dollar

by Johnny Debacle

After Zimbabwe had been bearing the torch of sensible solutions to incredibly complex resource allocation issues for many years, it appears that the forces of dark may be prevailing in the country. The government is abandoning their full support of the Zimbabwean dollar.

“The Government is allowing the use of multiple foreign currencies for business alongside the Zimbabwean dollar,” Patrick Chinamasa, the acting Finance Minister, announced in [an unsettling] admission that the Mugabe’s regime’s battle to prop up the national currency [was being submarined by the forces of darkness and also by impotent cowards].

This is troubling news in a troubling age. But mollifying the trouble is the fact that leadership in both Zimbabwenomics and Mugabe Efficiency Theory has migrated to America. This leadership has been affirmed almost every week since early 2008, as our economic leaders craft new and powerful ways to harness zimbabwenomics to make America into the great nation it used to be, back when we made things rather than just how it is now when we all we make is money and an incredible standard of living, back in the good old days when we killed Indians, and had black lung and union riots that stopped the economy and killed people, and much higher violent crime rates, and much shorter lives, and much less education, and less social mobility, and more racism and no pizza.

Recommendation: Long the Zimbabwean dollar — it is only a matter of time before the US adopts not just the ideology of zimbabwenomics, but the official currency as well.

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